Spring Feveer

h I think I have a case of Spring Fever!!!  Two days in Nashville with temperatures in the 60's is enough to make a southern girl think about sandals, sundresses, sunshine, flowers and the beauty of spring in the South. 

Today I am heading to my first Bridal Show at the Frist Center.  It seems a little odd at this point in my life to begin or try to plan a wedding.  I really am not sure where to begin so I have a friend who is a pro; she is married and has hosted multiple weddings as the maid and matron of honor. 

So if I can just share I would love to find a great outdoor wedding location that won't break the bank.  Wish me luck and I will let you know how it goes.

Snow Day

So Middle Tennessee finally got snow....about seven inches! The white landscape is beautiful. The stillness and absolute quiet is something we don't experience often in our hectic and hurried lives. So what is it about a snow day that changes our outlook?

I think it is we choose to believe in something outside of the norm...we let ourselves hope....we let our guards down and are willing to do silly things such as make a snowman or create snow angels...we don't even mind if someone hits us in the face with a snow ball!

I am challenged by this renewed belief and hope today to let my guard down and believe. Believe in others, hope for the future and the willingness to let my guard down and just enjoy life.

Cleaning out the Closests

You know the story...moving day is quickly approaching so you begin going through all the stuff sitting on the table, the shelves, the drawers and cabinets and you think where did all this stuff come from. Just as we accumulate junk in the house we also keep things inside longer than we should. Some things are harder to let go of than others but once it's gone you realize just how little you missed it and sometimes you realize what a relief you no longer have to carry it around.

As I finish packing the remaining boxes and begin organizing and decorating my new home I am reminded that holding on to things that we no longer need is a weight that no one should carry.

So get in there in clean out the closets in your house and the closets of your heart!

Reflections

As the year draws to a close I am reflecting on the year...2009 brought many trials, heartaches and challenges. It also brought some extradionary growth periods in my life. I learned a lot about myself this year. While I would like to say they were all good some are things that I wish to change about myself.

As we enter a New Year we all think about things we want to change, accomplish, hopes and dreams as well as the belief that there are new possibilities within our reach.

This year instead of planning new resolutions I challenge us all to think about an identity revolution. To put aside the lies that we believed about ourselves that then became our truths.

As I enter 2010 my prayer is that I grow to become the person God created me to be. That I become confident in who God made me to be so I can become all that I was created to enjoy.

Happy New Year to you all and may 2010 bring the change we desire and the dreams we hope for.

Happy New Year!

Giving Thanks

What a wonderful long holiday weekend. I am truly blessed to have such a great family, loving man in my life and great friends. This weekend was a reminder of the little things that we so often take for granted. This has been a hard year for so many people financially; so many of my friends have lost their jobs this year, people are in economic hardships, family tragedies, broken relationships, and pain all around. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to experience these pains as they make me more empathetic to those who are struggling.

May I never forget to give thanks for all that I have, all that I am, all those who I love and they love me in return. As we enter this holiday season may we all remember where we came from, where we have been but most importantly where we are going.



Thank you Jesus for all you have done for me!

The Power of Forgiveness

This has been a great week. I finally got back into my exercise routine, we are doing strategic planning at work and my relationship with Terry is really blossoming and I continue to see God working in both of our lives. For so long I struggled with receiving love and could not understand why. As I have continued to study Love; how to love myself, how to love God and how to love others I have witnessed my prayers being answered in ways I never dreamed possible.

Last night Terry and I celebrated our two year anniversary. I have to tell you when I reflect back over the past two years I have witnessed many changes in us both. We are no different than anyone else in a relationship as we have had to learn how to communicate how we feel, what our fears are and grow together. I would love to tell you the journey has been easy but that would be a lie, just ask my friends!

When I entered into this relationship I had many issues. I was insecure in who I was, I had preconceived ideas on how this relationship should be, I was selfish and I had so much baggage that I was carrying around and I refused to let it go. The walls that I had built to protect myself had become the very walls that were now keeping me captive. Although I did not want to be these things I did not know how to change myself. In order for me to change I had to face the truth about myself. I actively begin seeking God about what was wrong with me. Why did I continue to hold onto the past things that hurt me....Why could I not move forward....

We have all heard the saying "you can't give away what you don't have" all of our lives; well this became very real to me as I realized I did not love myself. I did not think I was worthy of love when I looked at all the mistakes I had made, the rejection I had experienced, the pain from words that were spoken to me and over me that continued to play over and over in my mind. I had spent most of my entire life looking for the approval of my father. Just wanting to hear the words "I am proud of you" or "You did a great job" but those words never came. I am sad to say that I will never get to hear those words on this side of my journey as my father died suddenly seven years ago. Since I could not get what I felt I needed there I turned my attention to other things; my ex-husband and my career. Again, I found that neither of these things filled the empty void of pain and rejection that I was carrying around. I went through a very painful and humiliating divorce six years ago and during that process I also lost my job, the very things I had built my identity upon.

The next several years would be life changing for me. I had to learn to forgive! A very easy word to say but not easy to do. Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves cannot be done in our own strength. Matthew 6:14 says "If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." That is a pretty strong command. If we continue to hold onto the past, the pain and the hurt by always keeping records and refusing to let it go, then God cannot forgive me. This was an eye opener for me!

I began searching scripture, reading books and praying that God would help me forgive those who had hurt me. In John Bevere's book Bait of Satan I began to see that the purpose and plan that God had when He gave us this commandment was to free me, not the offender. Forgiving others does not justify or make their actions right, it does not mean that when you forgive them you are saying what they did was okay, forgiving them is saying I choose to let this go with God's help and I choose to not dwell on those words, actions or deeds, I choose not to let this define who I am. Forgiving is a choice but it is not something we can do on our own. The power of prayer and the power of God's word is our weapon.

Because the Sovereign LORD helps me,

I will not be disgraced.

Therefore have I set my face like flint,

and I know I will not be put to shame. Isaiah 50:7

God promises to help us in our time of need and I can't think of a time I needed Him more. And He was there with me every step of the way. It has been a long journey and yes there are still times today that those thoughts will creep back into my mind and I will find myself getting short of breath, getting anxious, remembering all those hurtful moments and if I let it, I will be back in those memories in an instant. This is when I must decide to either wallow in my past; or move on to the future God has before.



Which brings me back today! Oh can I tell you I am learning to love myself; not in a prideful and selfish way but learning to know who I am in Christ. Learning to accept myself faults and all. Learning to deal with the things God is asking me to change and when I stumble and when I fall knowing that He will be there to help me. I am so thankful for the lessons I have learned and the faith I developed during those trials. And when I come to my next "ledge" in life I will have faith and trust that God will be there to see me through.

I am changing

Change is all around us…It is in the leaves falling from the trees, it is in the shorter days of approaching winter, it is in the economy, it is part of your job and it is in the heart of every believer who wants to be more like Jesus. This weekend I painted a room at friends house. As I walked into the empty room with the patched walls and primer it got me thinking about the changes that are happening in my life.

As you know I signed up to be part of the Joyce Meyer Ministries Love Revolution a few weeks ago. Each day as I wake up and start my day I am constantly having to change my prayers, my attitude and my outlook. In the past my prayers were about what I needed or what I wanted to see change in other people or my situation. Learning to pray for God to put opportunities in your path where you can be a blessing to others is not so easy.

This week my focus has been on finding three people every day and complimenting them on their hair, clothes, job well done or anything else that would be a blessing. It sounds easy right? I must be honest and say it has really been harder than I thought! One thing I have definitely learned is I am must be less concerned with being uncomfortable or being rejected and more concerned about building good relationships!

My commitment is strong and my desire is to be a blessing to others. I don’t know where this journey is going to take me and I don’t know how long it will take before this becomes a natural reaction for me but I will continue to actively pursue walking in love.