Sunday's are lonely

I don't know what it is about Sunday afternoons that make me very sad and feelings of utter emptiness seem to grip me. Maybe it is after all the excitement of going and doing all weekend that when I wind down and begin to prepare for the week ahead that I realize the emptiness inside?

This weekend was very full of activities, friends, events, going and doing so today as I came home and did the mundane tasks of laundry, checking email, etc. that I find myself feeling alone. Either way it is a feeling that I don't like. Why is it so hard to be alone at times? What is it about myself that I don't want to face? Why am I not content to be alone?

This is something I must examine for myself and will get back with you....

Milestones

over the past two weeks I have been invited to three birthday parties for friends reaching the milestone of 40. When I look at this guys/girls I think wow, are we really at this place in our lives? I remember as a kid thinking that 40 was ancient and that we defined so many things in our lives by ages. If I haven't done this by this time it will be too late and now 40 well it isn't quite so old any more. To each of my friends who have celebrated and reached this place I think of them in terms of highly successful individuals who I have total respect for and I am proud to call them friends.

Happy Birthday Alec, Rachele, and Brian!!

Long Weekend

This has been a totally relaxing weekend. Lots of changes going on in my life and many things just seem to be in a holding pattern or not what they seemed. Sometimes we think we are following God's will only to find that we have no peace and anxiety is our constant companion. But thank God that Luke 3:5 tells us "that He will make our crooked roads straight". That's right even if we think we heard God and we were following Him and then we find out we missed Him; He can make it right again. It is really hard when we go through times like these and trying to understand how you missed God and how easily we get off track. I guess the lessons I learned during this trial is to trust that you do know and hear God's voice and to act immediately on what he is asking you to do. This really tests are faith and trust in God. This is certainly an area that I am growing in.

I have read some great books that have helped me grow spiritually; the most recent by Beth Moore, Get out of that Pit. Wow, was that a timely word. We get into these pits one of three ways 1) we are pushed in by others 2) we accidentally fall in and 3) we willingly jump in. I could relate to each of these as I have been there in all of the above instances and getting out and staying out is something I am determined to do this time.

I am still praying what is God's will for my life and where should I be career, socially, and spiritually. My answer seems to be "wait" which is never the answer we want to hear but I pray that through my wait I get to know God more and find him to be faithful and my relationship will just grow stronger and stronger.

Birthday Musings

So I celebrated another birthday and I find that every year I feel a little depressed... I can't decide if it is really that I feel old or is it that I can't believe how old I really am. I remember being a kid and when you heard that someone was 30-something you thought geez they are ancient. Now I am here and actually getting closer to the 40 mark. Yikes

They say we are only as old as we feel and I truly believe that. There are certainly days that I think I could out last any 20 year; combined with the hands on knowledge and experience and then there are days that I wish for the innocence of youth. To go back and do things over....Would I be a different person?

Anyway, I celebrated my birthday in Florida this year. Terry took me away on a surprise trip to Florida. We rented a fabulous 4 bedroom house with a private pool. The weather was great; sunny and 80. I mean who doesn't love that in the middle of February? I feasted on some great seafood and relaxed by the pool. Certainly makes me miss living on the coast.

So now that I am another year older I am thinking about what do I really want to be when I grow up. I am looking at some alternate career options and trying to decide what, where and what I want to do. Will keep you posted on the outcomes.